Title: Hidden Secrets
Author: FerretGirl
Rating: PG to R
Spoilers/Setting: AtS S1 to 4, Buffy S3 and S7 I guess. halve way S4 of AtS Joss and I go our separate ways for a while.
Disclaimer: They boys and girls are not mine, I'm just playing with them.
Summary: Faith, Wesley, five years later.
Notes: A big thanks to miniera and alias_lilacgirl for the beta

Hidden Secrets
Part 7

Images and sounds flew past, like a technicolor, dolby surround, wide-screen slide-show. A boy, Connor, he knew. A man, Wesley, a woman, Faith. Other people and demons, Darla, Holtz, Justine, Shajin. Feelings of pain, hatred, intense sadness, betrayal, and love crashed down on him. Connor, his son, taken away from him, coming back, hating him, trying to kill him. Getting closer to his son, only to watch him spiral down into a dark despair, where he couldn't reach him, his son. Taken away from him, by a friend...again.

Angel blinked up to see a face hovering above him. The face looked worried, he knew this face. Though it seemed older now, somehow softer, grown up. He searched his newfound memory, but the last time he had seen this face, was about five years ago. When she spoke, he knew for certain who it was.

"You okay big guy?"

"Faith?" Angel managed to get out.

"Hey there," she winked at him, in a way he remembered well.

Struggling for a moment, Angel sat up and looked around him. Lorne was looking at him with a face that showed sympathy. Gunn and Fred were on the sofa. What ever hit him, had hit them as well, only they weren't coming around as fast. Spike tried to look disinterested, but Angel could tell, the other vampire was watching him closely.

Looking to his left, he saw that Faith had been joined by a man. His arm was around her waist, and the way they both stood, told Angel everything about how comfortable they were with each other. Angel knew this man as well. He looked older too, but unlike Faith, his face held nothing of the soft traces it had once. His face was harder, his eyes guarding his emotions. Angel looked for a long moment at the ex-Watcher, taking in the changes, and what had remained the same.

Then the vampire's eyes glanced further to the left, to Cordelia. She looked desperate, scared, hopeful?

"What did you do?" Angel asked her, his voice soft, low. It alarmed Wesley and Spike. They involuntarily took a step closer to Angel, ready to interfere when needed.

Cordelia took a deep breath, raised her chin and took a step toward him. Only her hands, fumbling with her dress, belied her feelings.

"Angel I...I...," she tried. "I thought...that..." Angrily she wiped away some tears that were escaping. She gulped and looked down.

"What did you do," Angel asked again. This time his voice held a dangerous undertone that no one could miss.

Wesley stepped closer to Angel, trying to defuse the situation. "She took away the memory of Connor...of us," he started, pointing at Faith and himself. "She thought she was doing the right thing."

Glancing over at his old friend, Angel's eyes narrowed dangerously.

"Cordelia wanted Connor to have a second chance, a real chance, Wesley continued, not in the least bit frazzled by look the vampire was giving him.

Angel looked back at Cordelia again. And before anyone could react, he was off the sofa and his hands wrapped around Cordelia's throat, lifting her up in the air, slamming her against the wall.

Her eyes widening with fear, Cordelia clawed at the hands around her throat, cutting off her air supply. She felt afraid. No, scared to death, was a better description. She was scared of her friend, for her life, something she had never felt before.

"Why!" Angel yelled at her. He shook her hard, not caring if he hurt her. He hardly even felt it when Spike and Faith tried their best to get him away from Cordelia.

"Angel!" Wesley shouted. "Let her go! This won't do any good, you'd regret your actions when you've come to your senses!"

At that point Faith and Spike had succeeded in prying Cordelia loose. They pushed Angel backward as Cordelia slid down the wall to the ground, gasping for air.

Lorne was at her side instantly, helping her up. "Take it easy sweetie," he said in a calm, soothing voice. Or he hoped it was calm and soothing, he himself couldn't seem to stop shaking.

"How could you?" Angel yelled, trying to get himself loose from Faith and Spike's hold. "I trusted you!"

Wesley looked back and forth between Angel and Cordelia, feeling an ironic sense of deja-vu. He felt sympathy for both his friends. After all, he had been in Cordelia's shoes once, figuratively speaking of course.

"Angel," Cordelia gasped. Her voice sounded as if she tried to put all her love, all her feelings into the name. "I only...wanted..."

"I don't care!" Angel interrupted. He had shaken free of Faith and Spike, but made no new attempts to lunge for Cordelia again. "I don't care," he repeated more calmly, he turned on his heels and moved to walk out of the building.

"Angel," Cordelia whispered and took a few steps in his direction, tears freely flowing down her face.

Whirling around, Angel pointed an accusatory finger at her. "Stay out of my sight woman," he hissed. He turned around and stalked away from the group.

Cordelia sank to her knees, unable to stop crying. Her sobs were only thing that interrupted the tense silence that hung in the Hyperion lobby. Lorne held her, his hands rubbing circles on her back. He had no idea what to say, this was such a complete mess.

Wesley caught Faith's eye. He nodded his head in the direction Angel had stalked off to and moved into the same direction. Faith looked worried, but she knew she couldn't stop him, even if she wanted to. 'Be careful' she mouthed, as she watched him go after the angry vampire.

~*~*~*~

He found him exactly where he thought he would. On the roof of the Hyperion.

Wesley watched his old friend for some time, staring out over the City of Angels, before joining him. He sat down on the edge of the roof and said nothing. He glanced at Angel, before turning his head and look at the lights of Los Angeles nightlife.

"How did you know where to find me?" Angel asked after some time.

Wesley shrugged. "This used to be your favorite brooding spot."

Angel turned to look at his friend. He looked different, he couldn't pinpoint exactly what it was that made him so different. It wasn't the fact that Wesley looked older, or harder. Neither was it the fact that former Watcher seemed to have lost all the innocence Angel had found so endearing. He knew that Wesley had lost that innocence a long time ago.

"I've missed you," Angel said.

"A few moments ago you didn't even know I existed." Wesley turned to look at him calmly, a gentle smile on his face.

That's when Angel knew what was different. Wesley looked...content, dare he even say...happy. Even with what was going on now, the evil they were fighting, the world they knew. Wesley had found his place.

"You don't hate her for what she did," Angel whispered. It wasn't a question, more an observation.

"No," Wesley sighed. "She thought she was doing the right thing. I can relate to that. I once was in her shoes. Only my mistake had more...disaterous results."

"You thought you were doing the right thing," Angel said forcefully. He knew this, he had understood this five years ago, he'd forgiven Wesley for taking Connor.

"And so did Cordelia," Wesley said. He looked at Angel, his blue eyes boring into the Vampire's brown ones, urging him to understand.

Wesley held up his hand to forestall any interruptions Angel might have. "I know removing the memories from you and the others was wrong. Making a deal with Wolfram & Hart was definitely an unwise move. But sometimes we are given choices, all of them bad choices, and all we can do is pick the one that seems right to us." He looked out on the city again. "And you pick the choices that harm our loved ones the least, no matter the cost to oneself." he ended softly.

Angel looked at Wesley intensely, while his brain tried to go over what the ex-Watcher had said. "I don't think I can forgive her."

"You can, and you will." Wesley turned to look at him again. "You love each other. Besides, if you wish to blame someone for this...mess, you should blame me."

Angel looked startled. "What?" He asked perplexed. "How is this your fault? Cordy is the one who messed up."

Giving the vampire an indulgent smile, Wesley sighed. "If I hadn't taken Connor, he wouldn't have grown up in a hell dimension, he wouldn't have been raised to hate you, he wouldn't have lost all sense of reality and Cordy wouldn't have to forced to make her choice." It was simple really, how could anyone not see this?

Angel looked at him for so long, Wesley began to wonder if he shouldn't have told him it was actually his fault. He was about to ask if his friend was alright, when Angel shook his head.

"I can't believe you're still doing that," Angel said.

"What?" Wesley asked, giving him a puzzled look.

"Blaming yourself for everything. Not everything is your fault Wes."

"I know," Wesley said, "but neither is it wholly Cordy's fault." He thought for a moment, before looking at Angel again.

"What would you have done, if they gave your son a chance to live, to be a normal child. Where the only problems he would have were girls, homework and how to get from under a curfew, normal teenage problems. Instead of not knowing if he'll survive to see the next day? Not knowing who you are? Who to trust, who to hate, where you belong?"

Angel was silent for a moment. He thought about how his son, how Connor had been. A confused boy, who didn't know who he was. Forced to live in a dark world. Not knowing who to look for when he needed answers. "I don't know," he whispered.

"Yes, you do," Wesley said, his voice certain.

"I..." Angel looked at Wesley, "I would have done something similar."

Wesley nodded. "You love him, you want the best for him. If this means not being with you, not knowing you, you would have done so."

A rare smile crept over Angel's face. "I really did miss you," he said. His smile broadened. "So, you and Faith?" He was amazed at how Wesley's features changed with the mere mention of her name.

Aware that Angel was trying to change the subject, Wesley let him...for now. "Yes," he smiled. "We're happy, amazing as that still sounds. I love her, and she loves me, I've no doubt about that."

"That's...great," Angel said. He thought about Cordelia. "So you forgave her for what she did to you?"
Standing up, Wesley moved next to Angel. "Yes, we both have forgiven each other," he said, looking into the vampire's eyes. "We'll never forget, but we moved on. It's no use dwelling on what's in the past, on what cannot be changed. We learn from it."

Angel nodded. "Yes," he said. "It seems you have." He raised an eyebrow when Wesley snorted.

"For five years I thought you all had forgotten me, didn't care about me. It hurt, but I moved on. You did forget about me, only not in a way I could have imagined. I should have known that something was amiss. You never stop learning Angel," Wesley smiled.

"I guess so," Angel said, finding himself smile back. "But before this mind spell, I did want to go look for you and Faith, so did the others," he hurried, not sure if it was to excuse himself, or to reassure Wesley that they hadn't forgotten them.

"I know," Wesley assured him.

"Well, I'm glad to see there are no entrails hanging around the roof," a new voice cut in.

Both men whirled around to see Spike saunter over. Cigarette in his hand, looking every bit the bored, disinterested vampire, he was pretending to be.

"Why are you here Spike?" Angel growled.

"Just making sure you didn't tear apart the Watcher here, before I got to know him better," Spike shrugged, glancing over at Wesley.

Wesley looked between both vampires with an amused expression. He'd known Spike had followed him, and had been hiding in the shadows. He was a bit surprised Angel hadn't known, but then again, Angel had been very pre-occupied.

"You needn't have worried Spike, I was quite safe," Wesley said. "But thank you."

"Yeah well, didn't want to face the wrath of the Slayer either in case you weren't," Spike smirked.

"Of course," Wesley smirked back.

Angel glanced between the two, confusion clearly written on his face, and let out a sigh. "How's it going downstairs?"

Spike made a face. "Fred and Gunn woke up, they weren't very pleased either."

~*~*~*~

"But why?" Fred wanted to know for the hundredth time. She held on tight to Gunn, who had his arms around her and was glaring daggers at Cordelia.

Cordelia fought the urge to stomp her feet as she felt her temper rising. She had explained it at least seven times now. Of course. The fact that neither Gunn nor Fred had tried to kill her, should be considered a plus. Even though the looks of disappointment and hurt they gave her made her die a little inside.

"I wanted him to have a chance," she said again. Her voice was raw from crying, yelling, explaining.

"But why take away our memories of him too?" Gunn asked, his voice had regained some resemblance of calm.

"They didn't give me any choice," Cordelia whispered. "It was that way or Connor would have died."

Fred wiped away her tears and took a deep breath. Rubbing her hands over her face, she glanced at Cordelia through her fingers. "And why wipe out Wes?" she asked. "And Faith?" she added quickly.

"I wanted them to be happy," Cordelia said. She sank down on the sofa, all the energy seeming to have drained out of her.

"Yeah well, that wasn't your choice to make," Gunn said, but his voice didn't hold the anger it had before. He understood about the kid, he had known Connor. He didn't understand about wiping out Wes and Faith though.

"What she did to Wes and me, is between me, Wes and Cor," Faith said, her tone of voice leaving no room for argument. "And Wes and I have pretty much come to terms with it." She strode over and stood almost next to Cordelia.

"She took away my friend," Gunn said, pulling Fred closer to him. "Our friend."

Fred rubbed her hands over his arms. "It wasn't as if we were good friend anymore Charles," she whispered.

"We were working on that," Gunn said, his jaw set. "She took that away. It could have been like old times again."

"Too many things have happened for it ever to be like old times again," Lorne brought in. "And those things have nothing to do with any mind wipe."

"But...but...we can work on that now?" Fred asked, timidly glancing at Faith.

"Depends on what Wes wants," She shrugged. "In the mean time all this yelling and accusing isn't going to do shit, we need to figure out what to do now."

"Simple," Angel's voice came from the stairs. He walked down, calm and sure of himself. He didn't however, look at Cordelia.

Wesley and Spike came down as well. Wesley moved toward Faith and wrapped her in his arms.

Angel crossed his arms and looked at each of them, this time he did include Cordelia. "We take out Wolfram & Hart."

TBC..